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            THE MAGICAL WORKER'S UPRISING AT THE NORTH POLE


                        Christopher Allan Webber
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      This silly but also fairly dark story is basically a recap
      of a Fate Core game we played about an Elfish uprising at
      the North Pole.  Don't blame me… at least, blame the players
      a bit too.  Thanks to Stephen Webber and Nick Daly for
      participating.


Peregrine Greyfeather started his morning routine the way he always did,
by freshly grinding some cocoa beans, boiling hot water, and making a
nice french press of hot cocoa.  He fried an egg, hummed to himself,
scooped some hot gruel out of the rice cooker, put the egg on top of the
gruel, and sat down to eat.  He liked mornings; they were predictable,
and the one time of the day he could get some real thinking in to
himself and feel at peace.

He thought about a few things.  There had been some odd stuff going on
about town lately; some elfs in fancy suits had been walking around
staring at property and taking notes.  Most of the elfs didn't seem to
realize what was going on; Peregrine didn't know totally either, but he
had a better idea than most of his cotton-brained neighbors.  Their
elfen town didn't get many visitors really; most people were not able to
detect where the town was thanks to a magical misdirecting shield placed
over the village, a village called, boringly, Elfsville.  Elfsville was
something not unlike Hershey, Pennsylvania in the United States: a town
built entirely around a single industry.  This town didn't produce
chocolate (though it did import it heavily); instead, Elfsville was
entirely built around one major source of employment: Santa's workshop.

And no, those elfs didn't belong to the village.  Most of his neighbors
couldn't possibly realize it, happy to live in their ignorance as they
were.  But Peregrine wasn't like them.  He read, he liked to study
things.  And he knew who those elfs were: they were the High Elfs: an
industrious, "high society" set of elfs who had broken off to form their
own village.  They believed themselves to be pure of blood; in reality,
it just meant that they were somewhat inbred.  But they were rich, and
they did place a value on education, mostly because it meant getting
richer and allowing themselves to set themselves further apart from
Elfsville, which they liked to call the "wrong side of the Arctic
Express".

Peregrine didn't care for them much.  Too stuffy.  He did sometimes
imagine he could better socialize with some book learned people though.
He had an awfully hard time fitting in here.  He sipped his cocoa again.
Peregrine didn't talk to many people at work; his only other attempts at
socialization were mostly sad attempts at picking up women at the local
juice bar.  It never seemed to work, but he kept trying.  This topic
made Peregrine sad, so he decided to move on to thinking about happier
things.

Peregrine thought about his coworkers, and how much he hated them.  At
some point, he thought, he'd like to make them suffer the way they made
him suffer.  He grinned and sucked hot cocoa through his teeth.

But little did he know, today he'd take part in a day that would involve
more suffering of his coworkers than he could ever imagine, but the end
result would be an elfen revolution.  And he'd play a major role… but
not in the way he'd have expected.  Peregrine Greyfeather would do what
he never thought he would ever do for his coworkers: he'd become a local
hero and save their lives.  Well, most of them anyway.

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When Peregrine got to work he beelined directly to his building.  He
didn't work in the main factory, but in a building off to the right.
Directly past the reindeer shed, slightly out of view: the Pixie
Refinery and Distillery.  Everyone knows that Santa's workshop is
powered by pixie dust.  But where does pixie dust come from?  The answer
of course is pixies.  Pixies, tiny fairy-like creatures, are grown in a
greenhouse-like environment (off to the right of the building Peregrine
worked at).  When they reach the appropriate point in their lives that
the powder on their wings becomes the appropriate level of sparkly and
beautiful, they're harvested.

This is where the refinery and distillery came into play.  Pixies are
componentized into several parts: the wings are ground and processed
into pixie dust, the magic substance that powers Santa's lab.  The rest
of the body of the pixie is ground, strained, and heavily refined to
create reindeer kibble (this is, of course, how Santa's reindeer are
capable of flight).  The rest is waste… a toxic, glowing waste that can
burn the skin and creates strange effects for anyone who has to handle
it.

Peregrine's job was to get rid of the waste.

It wasn't always that way; Peregrine once was a normal factory worker.
Unfortunately, his hatred for all "successful" individuals meant that
there was no-one he hated more than the children on Santa's "good list".
As such, he began to poison and insert dangerous, sharp objects into all
sorts of children's toys on the good list.

When Santa found out, Peregrine got put on the naughty list.  He was put
far, far down on the naughty list, about as deep into the naughty
category as you could go.  And Peregrine was punished about as severely
as anyone could be punished in the happy-go-lucky town of Elfsville; he
was condemned to pixie sludge handling duty.

Sludge duty at one point had been cycled as a temporary duty that all
elfs must endure; now Peregrine was the only worker who suffered the
job.  Years of handling pixie sludge had burned Peregrine terribly.  He
had terrible deformities, deep burns on his skin that shimmered fabulous
colors and either caused him great pain or numbed him completely.

Peregrine had discovered something strange and wonderful though.  Years
of exposure to the pixie dust had meant that he had found that he had a
certain attunement to the toys and other objects that rolled off of
Santa's workshop.  He could command them to his will.  But he didn't
tell anyone this secret.  He decided to save it… surely it would have
some "use" that he could affect his coworkers with some day.  Better to
keep such surprises till you need them.

Peregrine walked up to the door.  Locked!  And with a note!  This note
wasn't one of the usual hand-scrawled happy letters from Santa, attached
with an adhesive cookie.  No, this was a corporate type and font.
Strange.  Anyway, it said that all distillery workers were to
temporarily forego their regular duties for a meeting in the workshop.
Peregrine grumbled.  He hated meetings, and thought that at least he had
gotten past those at this point.

He walked past the reindeer shed.  Reindeer were shackled to the sides
of the shed.  Most of them were dopes.  But he paused in front of one of
them.  He and Rudolf looked at each other in the eyes.  Rudolf, the
outcast.  Rudolf, whose nose glowed with red power that no-one quite
understood, likely a mutation from high exposure to pixie toxins in his
kibble.  Peregrine liked Rudolf, and Rudolf seemed to like him.  He
petted Rudolf on the head as he walked by.  Rudolf looked at him for a
moment in acknowledgment, and then turned to stare off into the
distance.  Peregrine wondered what Rudolf schemed himself behind that
nose which glowed so bright.

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Alex Jellypin Pillowpuff was assembled with all the other elfs in
Santa's factory.  It had been a strange morning; he had entered, and
things were a little… off?  They conveyor belts and machinery were all
there, and of course the candy-striped pillars that towered over the
factory floor were there.  But what happened to the tinsel, the
mistletoe, the baubles that decorated the workshop?  They were all gone.
Some strange posters had taken their place.  One of them showed a
reindeer, flying high above the clouds, and it said: "ACCOMPLISHMENT:
Fly high to meet your dreams."  The poster seemed sterile and a bit odd.
He guessed it was supposed to be inspiring?

The door opened in the back and he saw Peregrine Greyfeather enter.  A
small shiver went down his spine; Peregrine was not well liked in the
factory.  Alex knew the stories, all the elfs did.  Peregrine gave him
the creeps… still, he felt a sort of camaraderie with him, though he
wasn't sure totally why.  He guessed it was the common bond of being a
loner.  But Alex's aspect of being a loner wasn't at all like
Pergrine's; no, not at all.

Alex had always been shy.  He always liked people, and they seemed to
like him?  But he just didn't know how to speak to them.  And it had
gotten worse a couple of years ago, after the horrible accident.  Alex
worked on the sewing line; Santa had complimented him often for his
excellent work.  But one day he had a terrible accident with the
strongest, most industrial sewing machine they had.  He didn't like to
think of it, but bits of the story flew through his head anyway.  The
needle, piercing his spine.  The excruciating pain.  He had serious
nerve damage, and could barely move his limbs.  He was afraid he would
never be able to work again.

Luckily, one of the clever elfs from the machine shop came up with an
idea; with her help, Alex was fitted with a robotic monkey toy
exoskeleton.  It was a bit goofy looking, and the strange solution made
him even more shy and afraid to talk to his fellow elfs.  But it did
give him amazing, monkey-like agility.  When it didn't go on the fritz
that is.  That barely ever happened though.

Anyway, Peregrine also noticed Alex as he shuffled into the shop.
Peregrine didn't like Alex, but he did pity him a little bit.  He felt a
bit of camaraderie too; they were both workers who had been injured on
the job.  That at least (perhaps subconsciously) did count for
something.

To the back, above, and to the left of the shop was Santa's office, from
which he managed paperwork (mostly ongoing evaluations of naughty and
nice lists).  The door to it opened, and all elfen eyes looked up.
Santa walked down the first half of the stairs and a small landing to
address the crowd.  "Hello my little Elfs!" he bellowed merrily.  "Hi
Santa!" most of the elfs said enthusiastically.  Santa was well liked
generally, he treated his employees well, and… well, he had always been
there.  Peregrine rolled his eyes though.  He hated that guy.

Santa was carrying the large red sack over his shoulder he usually used
to carry gifts, but instead of his usual red suit, he wore a Hawaiian
shirt, some khaki pants, and sunglasses.  Behind him strutted three high
elfs, a couple of lackey middle manager looking types and one that
looked a bit spiffier.  There were a few furry white dudes too… two of
which looked pretty well built… Yetis!  And one in the back which was
extra muscular.  His hair, normally matted, seemed to have been forced
into being tamed for the occasion… combed into place and heavily gelled.
Peregrine recognized that guy… wasn't that the Abominable Snowman,
multi-year wrestler?  But now, just leading a security team for some
weaselly high elfs… seemed like a low fall.  Good for him.

"My dear elfs, I have some… well, some mixed news.  As you all know, I'm
rather old… I've been doing this for a couple thousand years.  It's time
for me to retire."  A gasp raised from the crowd.  Even Peregrine was
caught off guard a bit.  "Now now, you'll always be my children and I
care for you dearly… but… it's time to pass things on.  Don't worry,
I've passed things on to capable hands.  I'm sure things will be okay
for you."  He picked a gold coin out of his sack, tossed it up in the
air and caught it.  "Anyway, it'll definitely be okay for me.  And so,
uh… I'm off!"  And with that, Santa ran out of the room.  The noise of
reindeer revving up and taking off was heard outside and a loud
"Whooohooo!" slowly passed off into the distance.

The snazziest looking of the high elfs stepped forward.  "Alright you
chumps, enough of this.  I'm your new boss… Frederic Greenhollow.
Things are gonna change around here… less play, more work.  We expect
higher returns out of this facility than you've had in the past.  No
more long nights out at the juice bar, we're locking that down.  I
expect higher efficiency out of everyone… we'll be pulling metrics
reports on each individual's performance, and we expect you to rate you
and your colleagues.  Those with the lowest performance rating will be
fired.  Sorry, that's business.  Now let's get to work.  Move move
move!"

Most of the elfs were pretty stunned and as such, did not start moving
immediately.  Frederic grumbled something to the yeti patrol and nodded
to his fellow associates.  They walked into Santa's office, muttering
something about how amazing it was that Santa could have possibly kept
this shamble of an operation going for so long.

The yetis began walking down the factory floor, shoving the elfs about.
"Get to work!  You heard the boss!  You!  Get that machinery rolling!"
They began shoving elfs left and right, picking up those who were
uncooperative and forcing them in front of their stations, bellowing
menacingly.  Workers began working nervously.

Mr. Abominable made a particularly menacing sweep.  Eventually he
arrived at Alex, who was particularly shocked and horrified by the
unfolding of events.  "YOU!  Get to work!  Start this machine!  Sew
those bears!"  He growled.  But Alex was frozen in place.  The lead yeti
didn't take kindly to this.

"I said, get to work, now get to work!" he growled, attempting a grab at
Alex.  But suddenly, Alex's monkey-enhanced reflexes swooped in, and he
made a quick dodge.  This further enraged Mr. Abominable… he couldn't
possibly set a fearsome image if people were evading his grasp.  "Smart
guy eh?  I'll show you…" he said, and raised his arm for another swoop.

While the yeti became enraged, the opposite effect was happening to
Alex.  All eyes were on him and suddenly he felt… empowered.  Wonderful.
Important.  And if all of this was suddenly very, very significant.

As the yeti prepped for another swoop in, Alex used his monkey
maneuvering abilities to dodge under his legs, grabbed his fur from
behind, and scuttled up the yeti's back.  Shocked, the yeti tried to
grab Alex, but failed; his monkey maneuverability was too much.

Suddenly filled with confidence, Alex yelled out to the crowd.

"Citizens!  Workers!  Have we not worked hard for years?  Is this not
the fruit of our labor?  Do they not pluck at our fruit and eat of it?"

"Get off me, you chump!" growled the yeti.  The other two security yetis
had caught wind of what was happening and were running over from
harassing other elfs to try to assist their boss.

"Workers!  Cast off your chains!  Will you allow these men to come in
and enslave you, to take away what you have built… what we have all
built under the roof of Santa's factory?  This is our factory… and we
will take it back!"

And with that, a loud "Hurrah!" was yelled, as elfs everywhere across
the factory were thrown into a rebellious fury.  They began picking up
toys off the factory line, tossing them into the air!  Several elfs
began to antagonize the security yetis, making them unable to come to
their boss's aid!

The high elfs stared out the windows of Santa's office.  "What the
hell?" murmured Mr. Greenhollow.

Meanwhile, Peregrine looked around.  He felt somewhat content… even
proud of his elfen workers.  Man, they were creating a hell of a
disturbance in here.  He liked it.  But on the other hand, they seemed
to be doing a good enough of a job on their own… he wondered if he
couldn't find some more more unique ways to "aid" the situation in the
cafeteria.  He sneaked off that way, thinking himself unnoticed by the
fury of the crowd.

He was mostly… though one middle manager did briefly look out the window
and wonder what the hell that guy was doing?  But very quickly it seemed
less important than the riot that was erupting in the middle of the
factory floor so he instead turned to gawk at that.

"You doofuses!" yelled Frederic Greenhollow at his yetis.  "Get those
guys under control!  What do we pay you for, to dance around like a
bunch of clowns?"

At that moment, Alex, who had been riding around on Mr. Abominable's
back like a rodeo clown, was suddenly pulled back to reality as the yeti
caught him in his grasp.

"Wise guy eh?" growled the enraged yeti.  "I'll smash you and your
stupid monkey robot to bits yet…" and tossed him across the room.

Alex marveled at what a strong, firm toss it was as he hurtled across
the factory floor, a tumble of rioting elfs beneath him.  But he also
marveled at his monkey agility.  Instead of colliding with the wall and
being crushed, he did a quick save and grabbed on to a passing pipe and
swung around.  He perched on the pipe and grinned, and begun to scuttle
up the wall.

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Peregrine bust into the cafeteria.  He looked around.  The place was,
predictably, deserted.  The two usual chefs were quickly but nervously
preparing lunch.  As the doors closed behind him, the sheer volume of
the riot crept into the cafeteria for a moment, then closed behind him.

The two lunch workers looked up nervously and curiously.  They had been
totally cut off from the activities but they had the strict and
important duty of preparing the standard elfen lunch… hot cocoa and
gruel with fried eggs, which is what most elfs ate for at least two if
not three meals of the day.  That was one thing Peregrine shared with
his fellow elfs… he could never seem to get tired of that meal.

Both of the lunch workers were fairly elderly, the old man was flipping
eggs and stirring gruel, while the old woman was stirring a large
cauldron of hot cocoa with a peppermint stick.  There was water boiling
for another cauldron of hot cocoa, not yet ready though.

"Tell me son, what's going on out there?" said the old woman.  There
were multiple cauldrons boiling.

Normally, Peregrine's bad reputation would have made them suspicious of
conversation with him.  At the moment, he was the only source of
information, and thus they were hanging on his every word.  Plus he was
pretty good at being deceptive.

"Oh, you know… just uh, it's taking a bit of getting used to with the
new owners of the factory."

The old couple nodded as if they understood, which they didn't.

"Look, uh, so the bosses want their hot cocoa ASAP.  They've been
negotiating all morning and they said there will be… uh, health
inspections soon.  So really, honestly, you'd better catch them on their
good side."

"Oh yes of course!" they said earnestly, fearing a health inspection, as
all cooks do.

"Yes, and uh… so I'll need three cups of hot cocoa immediately."  The
woman set down three mugs and quickly poured the sweet sticky liquid
into them.  "And uh… they said they need that peppermint stick too.  For
inspections."

"This thing?" said the old woman, surprised and confused.  She pulled
the peppermint stick out of the cocoa… it was gigantic, almost
elf-sized.  As per elf tradition, all hot cocoa should be stirred with a
peppermint stick.  And if you've ever done this you know what happens…
the tip becomes pointy and sharp.  Peregrine grinned to himself.  A
peppermint spear.

"Yes, yes that.  Oh and uh… they said to keep it coming.  Nonstop!
There's going to be a conference in here, better start boiling as much
hot cocoa as you can."

"Right.  Right of course!"  The old woman put another cauldron on to
boil and opened a large vat of powdered cocoa.  The air was filled with
a dry dust, and everyone let out a bit of a cough.  Peregrine wondered
how the high elfs would react to the cheap stuff.  Well, who else is
going to bring them drinks at this point?

Peregrine checked his pockets… growing up an insidious prankster, he
usually kept on him… did he have it?… yes!  Extra strength laxatives!
He put one into each cup.  As an afterthought he poured the rest of the
bottle into the currently bubbling cauldron.

Peregrine slung the peppermint spear over his shoulder, picked up the
mugs of cocoa, and sauntered back into the factory floor.  Things were a
real shitstorm in here now it looked like.  The yetis were having a hard
time keeping things under control, though for the most part, it was
scuffling, not real violence.  He walked up the stairs and knocked on
the door.  "Hey, you guys ordered some hot cocoa?"

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Meanwhile, on the far right of the room, Alex had shuffled over to some
of the storage shelves where some of the finished toys were ready for
shipping.  The yetis seemed to be getting tired and more angry with all
the scuffling.  One of them finally lost it and let a powerful blow fly
across the face of one of the elfs, and he was knocked down,
unconscious.  Alex decided it was time to see if he could capitalize on
this moment.

"Citizens!  Do you not see the violent oppression of the workers of our
dear factory?  Our oppressors have shown they are not afraid to use
force… we cannot hold back any longer… we must tear the slavers down!"
A loud "hurrah!" was heard across the floor as things turned into a
violent rage.

Flicking another elf off his shoulder, Mr. Abominable signaled to his
fellow yetis.  "You guys stay here and get these elfs under control.
I'm going after that monkey over there."  He began to run across to the
other side of the factory.

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Back at the office, one of the high elfs opened the door.  "Cocoa?
Thanks.  Wait a minute… didn't I see you just walk off the floor into
the other room?"

"Yeah, of course, because your boss sent me," Peregrine said with a
serious glower.

"Oh yes… well of course, well… come in already," he said, looking
nervously at the swarm of elfs outside.  Better not leave this door open
for too long.

"Who's that?" asked Frederic.

"Uh, he's the guy you sent out for cocoa, Mr. Greenhollow?"

"Oh yes, uh, of course.  Thanks."  Mr. Greenhollow and his associates
all took their mugs of coffee and sipped at it.  "Hm.  This stuff's not
bad.  Where's the marshmallows though?  No matter."

All of the high elfs were staring wide-eyed out the window.
Mr. Greenhollow was indignant.  He'd never had an acquisition go down
like this.  What did these low-lifes think they were doing?  He was also
a bit nervous… what would he say to his investors?

"Santa's going to pay for this.  He gave us a bum deal, and I bet he
knew it…" Mr. Greenhollow grumbled.  Peregrine liked the idea of Santa
paying for it, anyway.

Greenhollow flicked his phone open.  "We can't let this thing drag on
like this.  We gotta pull out some reinforcements."  He barked some
orders onto his phone.  "Don't worry, the ice men will be here in a few
minutes.  We'll get this place under control."

One of the guys pointed at Alex.  "Who's that monkey?  It looks like
he's at the heart of this whole operation…"

"Hm," muttered Mr. Greenhollow.  "I don't recognize him… but I bet he's
on the naughty list… where is that thing?"

At this point Peregrine realized that his cover of hanging out in this
room was pretty much doomed no matter what.  The naughty list was
printed on a long cylinder of paper, and of course his name and
photograph were close to the bottom… only one thing to do… he needed to
get out of here… and why not take the evidence with him?

Before anyone realized what the hell he was doing, Peregrine grabbed the
bottom of the naughty list and jumped out the window.  One of the elfs
almost grabbed him, but he suddenly realized he had a lot less control
over his bowels in this situation than he had believed.

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Shoving elfs aside by the armful and avoiding tiny toy swords and
whatever improvised weapons the elfs could come up with, Mr. Abominable
finally managed to get to the other end of the factory.  Alex, on the
shelf high above him, had just opened up the box to see if he could find
any improvisational weapons inside.  Unfortunately, the box's contents
couldn't be more useless… teddy bears, fuzzy pillows and rubber ducks!
Come on.

"Get down from there!" growled Mr. Abominable.

"Make me!" said Alex, and dumped the whole box over from overhead.  The
yeti ducked out of the way.

"Oh I will… I'll pound that wall down if you don't…"

He turned around though at the sound of a large amount of commotion.  A
elf with some strange, shimmering disfigurements had just jumped out of
a window of Santa's office holding some long sheet of what appeared to
be some kind of durable paper, the resistance of which allowed him to
slide down apparently safely.  This, as the reader knows, was of course
Peregrine.

Peregrine had a slightly delirious chuckle to himself, amazed that his
move worked, as he began to run across the floor of the factory, ducking
from factory table to factory table.  Man, things were getting really
crazy out here.  There were a bunch of unconscious elfs, and he hopped
over the knocked out body of one of the yeti security guards.  His
original intent was to loop it across some of these pillars in front of
the factory, loop around, head to the cafeteria, then set the whole
sheet on fire (as a pyromaniac, he always some such equipment with him).
Unfortunately, in his manic run, he didn't manage to notice
Mr. Abominable until he nearly bumped into him.

"Uh, hello…" said Peregrine.

"You.  Are you also responsible for this?  Are you conspiring with this
guy?"

"Uh, I don't know… am I?"

Mr. Abominable swung at him.  Peregrine tried to defend with his
peppermint spear, but Mr. Abominable's swing simply broke it in half.
Peregrine scrambled for the remaining pointy end, now shaped a bit more
like a worn down stub of a pencil.  He was glad it wasn't him that was
smashed in half.

Meanwhile Alex dropped another box on the yeti's head.  This one
connected, and appeared to daze him.  The box spilled open… more rubber
ducks and stuffed animals.

"Augh, I'll kill the both of you!" he yelled.  He took another swing at
Peregrine with his fists, but dazed by the box that had fallen on his
head, his swing missed.

Peregrine decided it was time to put that attunement with the pixie dust
to use.  He summoned his inner thoughts and… the toys picked themselves
off the floor.

"What the hell?" yelled Mr. Abominable as a tiny swarm of stuffed
animals and rubber ducks began to crawl all over his body.  He tried to
pull them off furiously, but there were just too many of them.

Alex looked in the next box.  Jackpot.  This one had tiny army men and
little catapults in them… and some marbles.  Oh yes…

While Mr. Abominable was distracted with the toys that covered his body,
Peregrine came up with a new use for the naughty list.  He began
circling Mr. Abominable with it.  Mr. Abominable, with tiny stuffed
animals all over his body and some even crawling along his face, failed
to realize in time the mummification that was happening to his body.  He
fell over, covered, and seemingly unable to escape the tough paper.
Peregrine rolled his body around until he had him in a nice cocoon.

Peregrine looked around.  Holy cow, the two yeti security guards were
down!  And well… so were two thirds of the elfs that had been on the
factory floor.

The high elfs stepped out of their office.  "What are you doing?  Stop
at once!  I'll have you all fired!  Hell… you're already fired!  I'll
have you tossed in prison!"

Peregrine decided now might be a nice time to make good use of that
"setting things on fire" idea.  So he did.  He lit the naughty list on
fire, which began to spread across the factory floor.

It also caught Mr. Abominable's cocooned body.  He burned, screaming and
writhing like a tiny incapable mummy.  Peregrine was amazed.  He also
almost felt bad.  Nah, not enough time.

Oh shoot, the fire also started to cover some of the bodies of the
unconscious elfs and the yeti security guards.  Some of the still-living
elfs struggled to try to pull their unconscious friends to safety… and
got most of them.

Alex meanwhile had been pretty impressed with the apparent abilities of
Peregrine.  And it was obvious to him… of course… the pixie
contamination!  The pixie dust!  The terrible, horrible injuries!

He wondered if Peregrine could do some more awesome things with these
action figures and catapults.  No sense in asking, might as well just
add to the situation!  He successfully tossed and scattered the toys
across the room.  He pocketed the marbles though.

The fire spread, and reached the office.  The high elfs nervously
shuffled away from the stairs.

"Citizens!" yelled Alex to the remaining elfs.  "Look upon your
oppressors, look upon what they've done to you!  Get them!"

The remaining elfs had a quick scuffle with the high elfs… it ended
quickly.  The two middle managers were knocked out, but so were all the
worker elfs except one.  Frederic was unscathed.

"You," he said, turning to the last elf.  "You thought you could rise up
against me, hm?  Look at your friends, do you want the same to happen to
you?"  The last elf looked in horror and pleaded, oh god, I'm so sorry
to have rebelled, and begged not to be sacked from his job.

The fire spread.  As the flames licked up various unconscious bodies a
roasting smell covered the floor.  It began to smell faintly of roasted
meat.  The cooks walked out of the cafeteria and asked, "Hey, what's
going on out here, I thought that we ate food in the… oh my god!"

Alex suddenly realized that he had cornered himself on the ceiling of a
burning building… he tried to quietly descend and started wondering
where exits might be.  Unfortunately around this time, his monkey
exoskeleton, which barely ever fails, failed, and he crashed to the
floor.

"Where the hell are our reinforcements?" yelled Mr. Greenhollow.

And at that point, the door burst open.

"Freeze, nobody move!  Or we'll ice you!" yelled a team of ten of the
snowman hit squad.  They pointed their dry-ice firing guns in all
directions.

"Oh god damnit," said the one in front, looking at the fire.

"Gentlemen!" cried Mr. Greenhollow.  "These two individuals have started
this ruckus!  Do them in at once!"

Alex surveyed his situation and decided there was no way they could do
good in here.  But how could they get to the cafeteria?  The old folks
and Mr. Greenhollow were at the door…

"Mr. and Mrs… cafeteria people.  This man has done us in!  Look at what
he has done to all of us!  Your fellow workers!  He intends to kill us!
Defend us!"

The cafeteria people looked around nervously, then raised their weapons…
the old man held a frying pan, and the old woman held… well, a ladle.
Caught up in the insanity of the moment, and roused by they didn't even
know what, they looked to strike down the foreigner, but…

Mr. Greenhollow swung with an investor's rage.  The fury of being taken
out by these nitwits… imagining this whole thing going up in smoke… it
was all too much.  He swung quickly at the old couple and knocked them
to the ground.

The remaining worker elf, not sure whose side he was on at all anymore,
snuck out into the cafeteria.

"Hey my arm's melting," said the snowman in the front of the squad.
They backed off a bit more.  The gun fell out of his hand.

"You doofuses!  Fire at them!  Or fine… I'll do it myself!"  And with
that, Mr. Greenhollow pulled what appeared to be an executive pen from
his pocket, and removed the tip… there was a small blade inside.  He
tossed the tiny, golden knife at Peregrine… and struck him in the arm.

Peregrine looked down.  There was a knife lodged in his arm… but luckily
it hit him in one of his injuries that he was completely numb to.  A
wound opened, and pixie toxins trickled onto the floor.

"Hey, uh, is this stuff flammable?" asked Alex.

"Yeah, extremely.  Why?" answered Peregrine.

"Oh, uh.. because this."  He pulled the marbles from his pocket, rolled
them in the pixie toxins, and passed them over and across the firewall.
They passed through the fire, and as they did, morphed into enormous
fireballs.

"Dang," said the lead snowman, just before a large fireball melted
through his face.  The cascade of fireballs tore through the snowmen,
leaving tiny puddles behind.

Just a moment before, Frederic Greenhollow had madness in his eyes.  A
complete and total loss.  On the very day of accquisition!  But as the
snowmen melted, so did his courage.  He looked across the burning
factory, realizing that these two elfs had undone everything about this
place, and so too would they undo him.

And that's when he became a gibbering buffoon.

"Oh, uh, hey, uh… oh shit."

Peregrine Greyfeather and Alex Jellypin Pillowpuff closed in.

"Hey, uh… we can talk about this right?  What… what do you guys want?
Do you want… promotions?"

Silhouetted against a burning factory, they continued to walk closer.

"Uh, the factory?  Do you want to run the factory?"

They inched in closer.

"Look… you and I… we have some things… I'm not too far off!  Don't tell
anyone… my father was like you you know!  Came from lower blood… pulled
himself up by his bootstraps!  You can aspire to great things too!"

Mr. Greenhollow realized that he probably just dug himself deeper.  He
turned, tried to run to the cafeteria and skidded as he toppled through
the door.

Alex turned to Peregrine.  "We really should clean these up.  We can't
let this factory burn like this.  We can't let those innocent people
burn like this."

Peregrine looked like the factory.  Hm, well, I mean they were doing a
pretty good job of burning though, why ruin a beautiful thing like that?

"We can't let ourselves burn like this either."

Good point.

Peregrine used his pixie-connection to summon the toys across the room.
They sprung to life.  Peregrine gave orders: the toy soldiers would
carry the stuffed animals, dump them into the hot chocolate from the
cafeteria, load them onto the catapults, then shoot them into the fire.
It was a goofy idea, but somehow, it worked.  And they didn't have time
to question the logic of such a solution actually functioning… it was
time to have a sit-down with Mr. Greenhollow.

――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――

In the cafeteria, as the army of toys worked their literal-magic putting
out the fire, they worked out details with Mr. Greenhollow.  It took a
lot of persuading but Alex eventually persuaded Peregrine to not just
feed Mr. Greenhollow to the reindeer.  He'd have a more fitting end
being disgraced instead.  They agreed, to the best they could, that they
would use this as an opportunity… Christmas would have to be missed this
year, but next year would be better than ever.  They would rebuild, and
it would become a true elftopia; an operation run for the elfs, by the
elfs.  (The reality would turn out better than they imagined… and
Peregrine, in his hero status, came to find that actually maybe he even
could like people, if they gave him enough space, and didn't look down
on him.)

Besides, Frederic Greenhollow had a worse fate for him… he didn't
realize it at the time, but the future he had before him, returning with
this failed venture, with his career literally having gone up in flames,
in total disgrace… death would have been a easier option, really.

Peregrine Greyfeather and Alex Jellypin Pillowpuff lead Frederic
Greenhollow out of the factory.  They stripped off his fancy suit, down
to the barest of clothes, and lead him over to the reindeer shed.
Frederic stubled through the snow, shivering.

"Are you… are you going to give me a sleigh ride home?"

"Oh no," said Peregrine.  "I'm afraid we can't afford that with all the
losses we've been having… have to keep our remaining assets close… as a
businessman, I'm sure you understand."  Peregrine walked into the shed,
and there was a click as one of the shackles unlocked.

Peregrine stepped out, and he and Alex began the walk back to the still
smoldering building.  From the darkness of the shed, there was a step,
and another step… a lone animal stepped out, cloaked in shadow, except
for a pulsating red.

"No sleigh for you I'm afraid, but you won't be alone," Peregrine called
over his shoulder.  "Rudolf, with his nose so bright… he will guide you
home tonight."

      This story is released under [CC BY-SA 3.0 Unported].  Have
      fun!


[CC BY-SA 3.0 Unported] http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/