So this post is, like the story below, kind of a dumb distraction while I should be doing (or even blogging) more important things, but maybe it's entertaining? I may have borrowed a joke from The Thrilling Adventure Hour. Anyway I don't really know what's the point in posting this aside from demonstrating that I am down to narratively improvise, any time, any place (given the appropriate story cues at least). This starts off with a conversation with my friend Sumana on IRC.
<sumanah> hi paroneayea -- hope you are doing well <sumanah> paroneayea: you may find this amusing -- I ran across this Noun Project "collection" and distracted Jason for a few minutes as we tried to suss out the theme https://thenounproject.com/petervandriel/collection/an-icon-i-need-tomorrow/
<paroneayea> sumanah: hi! <paroneayea> sumanah: wow <sumanah> paroneayea: YES <sumanah> what is happening tomorrow? <sumanah> the world must know <paroneayea> sumanah: I can only imagine a sexy murder cover-up with an office intrigue <sumanah> paroneayea: the insect? the egg? <sumanah> I want a grand unified theory here <sumanah> maybe it's like Upstream Color <paroneayea> Two coworkers, who are secretly lovers, meet and exchange "documents". (It is a plan, a plan for murder.) <paroneayea> An elderly relative dies. Their walker is found alone. <paroneayea> "The act is done", he whispered, passing by her desk. <paroneayea> Drive to dump the body. The body is dumped. <paroneayea> Sexy "ha ha it's over" scene. <paroneayea> "Can we keep our relationship a secret?" <paroneayea> Beware, the watercooler talk! <paroneayea> Three construction workers return to their job and discuss, why did our construction equipment move * cdonnelly is on the edge of her seat <paroneayea> [Combining two:] With any luck, the scheme won't break. <paroneayea> Back, meeting at the lovers' home, dinner is cooking on the stove as the couple talks about their life together. <paroneayea> Suddenly, a call from the royal guard; "Madam, did you know that your Relative(TM)/Former Lover has died????" <paroneayea> The woman, mid-lipstick application, pauses. <paroneayea> She drops the egg, which she was about to crack into the pot. It breaks, symbolically revealing the break in their plan. <paroneayea> She accidentally brushes against the pound key. "Madam are you there? Madam?" <paroneayea> "Yes sorry, I'm writing down the address. Yes, I'll be there in half an hour." <paroneayea> The phone is hung up, she is afraid. "Calm down, let's finish our dinner first." They eat. <paroneayea> Then they get ready to leave. She loads her lipstick, which also happened to be a bullet, into her gun. <paroneayea> (gosh this is getting hard) * sumanah was wondering whether paroneayea was going to notice that the icon looks like a lipstick but is labelled as a bullet <paroneayea> (I already noticed, I tried to do "her lipstick, which is also a bullet" but got lazy then) * sumanah wonders: a safe deposit box? a self-storage locker? <paroneayea> He locks the household, and on the way out, makes sure that the key to the safe is still there. <paroneayea> Now they are back at the construction site. <paroneayea> The police officer is taking down the record. Uhuh, yes. Uhuh, that sounds about right. <paroneayea> As the record goes on, their story fills the page but also begins to unravel. * cdonnelly gasps <paroneayea> The man nervously thumbs through his keys, and then drops them. The officer says, "Hold on, you dropped your keys sir, let me pick those up for you..." when he picks them up, he sees one key in particular... encrusted in blood. <paroneayea> "Wait a minute... 5608... this is.. exactly the key to the safe of the man who died recently!" "That can't be it, hold on a minute..." "I'm calling this in.. sir and madam you're under arrest..." <paroneayea> The woman pulls the gun out of her makeup bag. "Don't make me shoot! I've loaded this with lipstick and I'm dangerous!" <paroneayea> * (But BAM BAM, it went off! A bullet case / lipstick container, labeled Checkov's Cosmetics, falls ominously to the floor.) <paroneayea> They run! Into the sewers. A cockroach scatters out of the way. <paroneayea> Squeak! A Rat darts right out of the way, just in time. "I can't take any more of this. I won't soil my suit running into this sewer any more!" "Damnit Jim, if you run out you'll give us all away!" "I don't care Janice!" (I guess they have names now.) * cdonnelly giggles * sumanah suspects a particular thing is going to happen next * jasonaowen too <paroneayea> "I won't let you do this! I've worked too hard for this damnit!" A gun is pulled! A shot is fired! The man falls to the floor, gasping for breath! "If I'm going down, you're going down with me!" The woman cries out in pain, and falls to the floor dying as well... but what could have possibly killed her? <paroneayea> The scene cuts to outside. The police have pulled the bodies out of the sewer. "Gosh, this whole thing got complicated really fast. It sure did end quickly though. What could have possibly cut this whole series of narrative devices down all at once?" "Take a look at this Harry." What's that sticking out of her chest? Oh of course... the murder weapon..." <cotd> <paroneayea> The guard seals the razor, which had cut it all down at once, into a plastic bag. "Occam's Razor company... it always seems to bring a quick end to stories like these..." <paroneayea> FIN * sumanah applauds * cdonnelly applauds <paroneayea> brought to you by I have played way too many fucking RPGs <jasonaowen> paroneayea: https://i.imgur.com/e9U73gy.gifv <paroneayea> If nobody minds I'm going to post this on my blog or something, might as well get a blogpost out of that distraction ;) <jasonaowen> paroneayea: please do :) <cdonnelly> paroneayea: +1 to blog post <sumanah> paroneayea: I was like "I think today I have materially delayed the development of ActivityPub" so I would encourage you to post it <paroneayea> sumanah: haha :) * kfogel reads backscroll, vows never to leave desk again